Most of
us will spend much of our lives striving and struggling to get the
things we want in our lives. We want to make more money, stop smoking,
start exercising. We want a great relationship, we want a nice car,
we want to travel, we want good friends, we want to make a difference.
All of these things that we want (but don't have
yet) create a lot of struggling in our lives, and often we just
give up on one or more of our dreams. I’ll never get the right mate,
I don’t have time to exercise, I tried to stop smoking but it didn’t
work, I’m tired of working two jobs to make more money but I still
live paycheck to paycheck.
Because wanting something is so much easier
than doing what is needed to get it, we all often live with a lot
of unfulfilled desires. "Life would be great if I had that,
but it probably won’t happen…"
The reason we struggle in life and give up on our
dreams is because
We all have a motivational disability!
That’s right, you and everyone you know were raised
with a motivational disability
that makes it much harder than it needs to be to get what you want
in life.
One of the keys to getting what you want in life
is learning how to become unstoppable, how to motivate yourself
to keep going until you get what you want. Becoming unstoppable
is another vital skill that we were never taught in school. Becoming
unstoppable has to do with several things, yet there is a very simple
skill that you can learn in the next few minutes that will create
a shift in your ability to get what you want in your life.
(There's a lot more to it than just this skill.)
This skill has to do with self motivation. How you
motivate yourself to do what you do and how you motivate yourself
to not do the things you know you should do. Self motivation is
a simple skill to learn because there are only two ways anyone can
motivate themselves.
Positive or negative.
That’s it, just two. You either motivate yourself
positively or negatively. When you understand this and begin to
consciously practice both methods for a few weeks, you will create
a powerful shift in your ability to get what you want more easily
and enjoyably.
How many of us know that exercise is good for us
yet we don’t do it?
How many of us know that losing weight would be
good for us but we don’t do it?
How many of us know that flossing is good for us
but we don’t do it?
Why not? Because we have that motivational disability!
When there is something that you want and you aren’t acting in such
a way to get it then you are suffering from this motivational disability.
Make a list right now of three things that you want,
that you know would be good for you to have in your life, but you
aren’t really doing things to get them:
- _____________________________________
- _____________________________________
- _____________________________________
Your list might include things like
Being in a relationship
Playing the guitar
Changing jobs or careers
Weight loss
Exercise
Singing
Dancing
More money
Continuing Education
Quality time with the kids
This motivational disability isn’t bad, so go easy on yourself!
We all have things we want in our lives that we aren’t acting in
ways that will get them. But let’s look at the causes of this common
motivational disability
When you were a kid and didn’t want to do your chores,
what did you hear?
If you don’t take out the trash
Do your homework
Do the dishes
Clean your room
You’ll get a
- Whippin
- No tv for a week
- Grounded
- In trouble!
As we’ve said, there are only two ways to motivate
yourself. Positively and Negatively.
Which way of motivating yourself is all that?
Negative, of course! The threat of punishment, of
something bad happening to your rear end, is the motivation we used
to do the stuff our parents wanted us to do. If they didn’t threaten
us with a whippin or taking away the tv, we wouldv’e kept ignoring
those chores. Their negative motivation worked, it got us to do
the things we needed to do.
Negative motivation works, it isn’t bad, we use
it to get things done in our lives.
But only using negative motivation created a problem
for us. See if you can figure out just how big a problem that is.
Here you are now, an adult. You’re out of school,
out on your own. If you don’t exercise, are you gonna get a whippin?
Have to stand in the corner? NO.
If you don’t exercise, are you going to lose tv
privileges for a week? No. So you’re lost, you have no way to motivate
yourself when there is no stick or whip.
Can you see the motivational disability?
People have big dreams.
Start their own business
Write a book
Become a singer
Lose weight
Get a better job
Get a new relationship
If you don’t lose weight, are you going to get grounded?
Lose tv privileges? Get a whippin?
If you don’t start your own business, are you gonna
get in trouble?
So when you have only the negative way to motivate
yourself, can you see how it disables people?
And you get a gold star if you can begin to see
how you yourself are motivationally disabled.
IT’S NOT BAD. BUT WHEN THE MOTIVATIONAL BOX YOU
OPERATE FROM IS NEGATIVE, YOU ARE GOING TO BE VERY LIMITED IN WHAT
YOU DO IN LIFE. YOU’LL JUST DO THE BASICS RATHER THAN THE EXTRAORDINARY.
WHEN THERE ARE THINGSYOU WANT TO DO BUT DON’T HAVE
TO DO, YOU OFTEN WON’T DO THEM. Because nobody is going to make
you! You don’t really "have to" after all, so you end
up avoiding doing the things that will get you what you want in
life.
Nobody is going to make you
- write a book
- learn to play the guitar
- join the choir
- get involved in a charitable volunteer activity
- go to church
- learn to dance
- follow your dreams
While any or all of these things might be something
you’d want to accomplish or have in your life, you don’t have to
do any of them. So how can you motivate yourself to get them done?
Try to understand this: Negative motivation only
works well for some things when you’re an adult. Like going to work
in the morning. If you don’t get out of bed and get to work you’ll
get fired and then you’ll get kicked out of your apartment.
That is a form of negative motivation we’ve all
used in our lives! We really don’t want to lose a roof over our
heads, so we get up at 5 AM and drag ourselves to work. The threat
gets us to work!
But if you don’t exercise, what’ll happen to you?
Will you get fired? Will you get written up? Will you lose the roof
over your head? Probably not.
So to motivate ourselves to do some things as adults,
we need a different motivational method.
Consider this common scenario. You’ve come home
from work, you’re tired, your fix a quick dinner for your kids and
then plop on the couch to be a potatoe until bedtime. But then at
8PM your kids inform you that you’re out of bread and milk.
Using negative motivation, how do you get yourself
to the store? You think of how you’ll have to listen to your kids
complain about not having bread for lunch or milk for breakfast,
you think of people saying you’re a bad mom, so you pull yourself
off the couch wearily and drag yourself to the store.
Again, negative motivation works, but notice that
it involves a lot of grumbling and burden.
But there is another way to motivate yourself that
can have you rushing to the store with a smile on your face! And
that’s to use positive motivation.
What if, instead of thinking about the negatives
like your kids complaining or the parental police taking you away
for a being a bad mom or dad, you thought about something positive
instead?
What if you really like Hagen Daaz ice cream, and
you think about going to the store to get that along with the bread
and milk you need? Oh my, that creamy, rich, oral orgasm called
Butter Pecan? Man, that would taste really good, and I deserve it
after the day I’ve had!
So off you go to the store, but this time with a
little spring to your step. You’re not dragging yourself there,
you’re actually wanting to get there and get back quick to enjoy
your ice cream (or whatever your favorite treat is).
Hagen Daaz is an example of positive motivation
that we all can use. And it demonstrates one of the keys to motivation.
When you negatively motivate yourself, you drag
yourself into action. You force yourself. It is draining and burdensome
to do whatever the thing is. Negative motivation drags you kicking
and screaming into your future!
When you positively motive yourself, you are pulled
towards that thing. You want to! You get to! Wow, as soon as I get
to the store and back I get to have some Hagen Daaz ice cream! Instead
of going to the store for bread and milk and groaning and bemoaning
your fate, you go to the store with some zip, some interest and
desire.
It takes no less energy or effort to go to the grocery
store at 8PM at nite. Either way you’ve got to get in the car, drive
down, walk all over the store to the break, milk and ice cream,
stand in line, carry the grocery bag, load the car, drive home,
unload the groceries.
The physical effort is the same, but your experience
of it is completely different if you use negative or positive motivation.
Positive motivation pulls you to the store and back, negative pushes
and drags you by the hair kicking and screaming all the way.
Got the idea?
You already know this skill, kinda!
You have used positive motivation in your life many times already,
you just didn’t know you were using it. Say you don’t like to get
up early in the morning to go to work. You have to drag your butt
into the shower and get a cup of coffee before you can even stand
yourself, and then you hate the traffic and your first hour at work
everybody knows to stay away from you til you become human.
But now there’s this new guy or girl you’ve been
flirting with recently. You tend to get up and hop in the shower
and get ready for work with a positive zip to your step and no complaining.
You’re even humming on the drive in traffic to work. All because
of the positive pull of a potential new relationship filling your
thoughts and feelings!
Or let’s say you hate to clean your house on Saturday’s.
Not fair, you should have servants and slaves to do the drudge work,
you already work hard enough as it is earn a living, on top of it
you shouldn’t have to be forced to clean toilets and vacuum til
your ears ring and your arm falls off.
But this Saturday evening you’re have a dinner party at your home
and you’ll get to see several friends you haven’t relaxed with in
a while. So you hardly notice cleaning the toilets as you think
of what a good time it’ll be and again you’re humming as you vacuum
away, wanting your house to shine for your friends!
So we’ve all successfully used positive motivation
in our lives many, many times. Now let’s take a look at another
common scenario most of us have faced as adults, the issue of exercise.
First off, let’s all be clear. You don’t have to
exercise. Nobody can make you, right?
But you know exercise is good for you and you want
to do it, so you decide to start an exercise program tomorrow! You
set your alarm clock a half hour early so you can get up and jog.
The alarm goes off, and all of a sudden you’ve got
a big motivational disability! You think how warm and cozy the bed
is, (which positively motivates you to stay in bed) and how much
you deserve some extra sleep because today at work is going to be
a bear. You think of getting up to jog and remind yourself how cold
it is this early in the morning, and how you’re about to get all
sweaty and tired. Besides, you’ll look silly huffing and chuffing
around the path. "Ah, forget it," you tell yourself. "I’ll
start an exercise program some other time when I’m less stressed
and more rested!"
And yet another promise to yourself gets broken.
You have successfully de-motivated yourself in about one minute!
All because the default motivator for all of us
is NEGATIVE.
When there’s something you want to do, thinking
of how hard it is and all the difficulties associated with it is
a way of motivating yourself not to do it!
What if, instead, when the alarm goes off, and you’re
feeling all warm and cozy in bed, you take one minute and positively
motivate yourself. You remind yourself how good you’ll feel once
you’ve jogged for half an hour. You’ll actually have more energy
to start you into your workday. And, you need to lose a few pounds,
so you remind yourself how good you’ll look once you’ve been exercising
for a few weeks. You’ll feel better, you’ll look better, hey, you’re
already up and throwing on your sweats…
Again, all it takes is one minute either way, but
that one minute of what you tell yourself or focus on when its time
to start a new project or move towards a new goal is the key to
success or failure.
It’s not all that mysterious, and just takes a little
practice, but getting what you want in life has a lot to do with
how well you motivate yourself. Studies have shown that people who
have high accomplishment levels keep their goals clearly in their
mind, up close and with a picture of the results they want to achieve
clear in their minds.
A key to success in life, to getting what you want,
is to develop skill at using both motivational methods, not just
the negative. Just because we were all raised with the default method
of negative motivation, doesn’t mean we have to keep using it all
the time.
Now it’s time for you to do a simple exercise to
begin developing your positive motivation muscle.
EXERCISE: THINK OF AN AREA YOU’VE BEEN STOPPED IN,
OR A PART OF YOUR LIFE THAT YOU DRAG YOURSELF KICKING AND SCREAMING
THROUGH.
How do you motivate yourself now? List three things
you think about or focus on when it is time to get started or do
that thing:
- ________________________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________________________
Can you see how you SUCCESSFULLY motivate yourself
to not do that thing, or to drag yourself into it?
What positives can you think of that start to pull
you towards taking action? It might take a little imagination, but
think of two or three things that would be great once that were
done or accomplished.
- ________________________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________________________
- ________________________________________________________________
Again, the idea is to focus on the result you want
to achieve for just one minute or so. See yourself successfully
doing that thing, how great you’ll feel or how good you’ll look
doing it or having it done. Focus as clearly as you can in your
mind on an image of the positive result you want or will get.
You’re just starting out developing your new motivation muscle,
so if you find it hard to focus or keep thinking of how you’ll fail
or some negatives don’t worry. Just take a few beginning steps at
focusing clearly in your mind, as best you can, on the positives
associated with whatever you want to do or accomplish or have more
of in your life. See if you can focus clearly enough for a minute
or two to start to feel pulled towards doing or getting started
doing that thing!
Then get going and do something to move toward your
goal!
One of the great things about motivation is that once you’ve successfully
motivated yourself for a few weeks, that action will begin to become
a habit. You won’t need to motivate yourself to exercise after a
few weeks. It’ll be a habit, you’ll just do it cause, you’ll just
do it because you feel weird if you don’t. You only need to successfully
motivate yourself to do something new for a few weeks until it becomes
a habit in your life!
Successful People
Developing skill at focusing on the positive until you feel pulled
into action is an invaluable addition to your emotional IQ. Successful
people throughout history have used this mental method to focus
clearly on the desired result and keep that image up front and center
in their mind until they are literally drawn into action, while
others focus on the all the potential problems or disasters and
often don’t ever get started on following their own dreams.
Developing both motivational skills, not just the negative, is
a powerful way to start you firmly on the path of accomplishing
your dreams in life. Nobody is going to make you accomplish them,
after all, so it’s up to you and positive motivation to get you
started. There’s a lot more to developing the skill of becoming
unstoppable, but understanding how you motivate yourself and de-motivate
yourself is a key skill in the journey of life!
Exercises:
For the next week, begin to notice how good you
are at successfully motivating yourself to do or not to do certain
things.
Notice what pictures you fill your mind with when
you put off certain things. Notice what you tell yourself about
the things you put off. Begin to see how good you are at de-motivation!
It’s not bad, we all do it, becoming conscious of it is very worthwhile.
Pick one dream or goal you’ve been putting off and
for the next week, once each day, take a minute or two and focus
on accomplishing that goal or having that thing in your life. Think
of how good it would be to have it done, how great you’ll feel to
have accomplished that thing. Focus on it in positve ways until
you feel pulled into some kind of action. |